Eight Crazy Ways Money Gets Thrown Around in Dubai
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Guys, Dubai has a dark side. And it’s totally not going to be addressed in this article. Instead, we’re going to focus on the city’s insane wealth. The largest city in the United Arab Emirates, Dubai was once a sleepy fishing village that was transformed into the Las Vegas of the Middle East (sans any of the actual fun) thanks to the discovery of vast oil resources in the 1960s. If you ever make your way to Dubai, the way money is thrown around becomes immediately apparent. Here’s a look at some of the craziest ways the City of Gold flaunts its wealth.
1. Fleet of Lamborghini Police Cars
In my hometown of Davenport, Iowa, the police drive around in Fords. It doesn’t get any more modest than that, right? But in Dubai, the cops patrol the streets courtesy of powerful Lamborghini, with each costing around $333,000 each! Question time: if you’re planning to get involved in a 200 mph police chase, should you do it in Davenport or Dubai? The answer, of course, is neither. Please.
2. Impossibly Expensive Tires
Looking to get from Santa Fe to Albuquerque? If you’re too lazy to walk the 23-hour distance, you could always opt to drive. It only takes about an hour. A set of reliable Goodyear tires cost around $600, so your budget can probably handle it. But people in Dubai laugh at the absurdity of spending a few dollars for tires. That’s why Zenises Ltd offers a set of gold and diamond-embedded tires for a mind-blowing $600,000! Alternatively, with that kind of money you could send your first child to Yale for 4 years, the second to Harvard, and still have money left over to send the youngest to Wisconsin. Sucks to be the youngest.
3. Luxurious Hotels
When a hotel boasts how many stars it has, it’s best to take it with a grain of salt. After all, there is no universal standard for determining how stars get rewarded. Case in point: The Burj Al Arab Jumeirah (the one shaped like a sailboat, if you care to know) went ahead and declared itself the world’s only “7 star” hotel because why not? In fairness, they do offer beachside butler service when getting up to pour yourself a glass of pineapple juice is beneath your dignity, Mr./Ms. DeepPockets. For $24,000 a night, you can stay in their most expensive suite. Do keep in mind that for 8 of those hours, you’ll be in a deep sleep! Oh no! So to maximize your enjoyment, might we suggest drinking a few pots of coffee?
4. Fancy Traffic Jams
When you’re driving to work in London or Chicago, you’ll see your share of Bentleys and think, “Hmm. Impressive.” But then you get to Dubai and see a Bentley, you feel sorry for the driver and hope that he/she will overcome their financial struggles. Limited edition Bugattis, Porsche Spyders and Ferrari Whatever They Call Their Most Expensive Models, are the rule on the road, not the exception. So if you’re going to get stuck, you might as well enjoy the turbo-charged eye candy that you share the road with.
5. High-end Cocktails
If you’re looking to get buzzed on a Wednesday night (to celebrate Hump Day, obviously!), you could opt for something classy like a 40oz of Olde English for only $2.99. But if you’ve got money to burn, you could do worse than the city’s most expensive cocktail. Made with Macallan single-batch Scotch whiskey that has been aged for 55 years and prepared with homemade passion fruit sugar (and with ice imported from Scotland because apparently frozen water tastes more delicious up there?), it will cost you 8 grand. But you do get to keep the 18-carat gold glass that it’s served in so that you will always remember the day you spent $8000 to get a little bit drunk.
6. A Cupcake that Costs as Much as a Pair of iPhone 11s
Got a sweet tooth but tired of those Little Debbie Snack Cakes? Never! But perhaps you’d like an outrageously expensive dessert to go along with it. The Bloomsbury Cupcake Shop in the Dubai Mall can fix you up with cupcake that’s wrapped in 23 carat gold for the tidy sum of $1,200. While you’re at it, why not just buy a dozen and pass them out to coworkers on your birthday so that they’ll stop picking on you?
7. Gold Bar ATM machines
Most establishments these days accept credit/debit cards, but from time to time you still encounter little mom-and-pop cafes that only accept checks and cold hard cash. The only solution is to march down to the nearest ATM machine that dispenses gold bars. After all, mediocre coffee and cake can’t wait. Oh, your town doesn’t have a gold bar ATM machine? Well, sorry to know you live like a hobo. But fear not; just fly to Dubai and purchase gold bars from the ATM machine ‘til your heart’s content!
8. Fly First-First-First Class
Unless you’re a bird, insect or…um…the kind of squirrel that flies, you’re going to need to buy a ticket if you want to travel by air. For most of us, this means searching for the cheapest flight possible so that you can sit next to somebody who hogs the shared armrest or in front of an adorable toddler who enhances the traveling experience by forcefully kicking the back of your seat for hours on end. Well, for only $30,000, you can eliminate these nuisances by getting your own private suite on the Emirates Airlines flight from LA to Dubai. Yes, for the price of a very decent car, you get round trip tickets, access to a private cocktail lounge (with its own dedicated bartender), and even shower facilities because you smell. They even throw in “free” door-to-door chauffeur service because, let’s be honest, who can put a price on generosity?